Man's Performance Anxiety

Performance anxiety in males and how to cope with it.

Everybody wants to perform well, but the fear associated with the quality of performance sometimes makes us nervous and forces us to look at ourselves differently. And this also happens in our sexual life. Many studies and surveys suggest men often develop anxiety about their performance in bed.

A survey conducted by Peekaboo You exhibits the same result. We asked a bunch of men questions about their bodies, their penis sizes, and their sexual performance. We got the same answer: “They are concerned about whether they can satisfy their partners, their sizes, and they are fearful of ejaculating too soon.”

A respondent said: “I feel that body image can be a pretty big deal in both the male and female mind. We see so much stock put into body image, that we always worry if we measure up. I worry about my body not being fit enough and offering enough of an attraction. I sometimes have anxiety about the size of my manhood, and if it’s big enough. I never so much worry about ejaculating too soon, more of ejaculating at all. I sometimes worry that I won’t orgasm, and then I am concerned my partner will feel it has something to do with them. I try to focus on the other person and make sure they are enjoying themselves. I have more concern about their pleasure.” More or less, all the answers were the same.

From the above discussion, it is clear that there is a feeling of anxiety among males, to some extent, in women too. You might find it surprising, but men do think enough about what issues women face. They often think, do females also have performance anxiety like ourselves. We discuss that in our other piece, “what anxiety does he think the women have?” For now, let’s understand how exactly male minds work when it comes to their bedroom performance.

The Man’s View, Performance Anxiety for Himself

Humans tend to overthink each and everything. That’s one of the reasons why males think unnecessarily about their sexual performance and develop a mindset where they are too stressed out to focus on sex. Their body can’t get excited either. They forget that the ultimate aim of sex is to get relaxed and reach a calming state, not to get anxious about their sexual performance.

What makes males overthink about their bedroom performance?

• Penis Size: Men find themselves feeling their penis size is too small. They are not sure what their partners might think, so they are not too comfortable talking about and displaying their "tools", especially at the onset of a relationship.
• Intercourse Duration:  Men often experience taking less than a minute to reach orgasms, which makes them think if they cannot satisfy their partners. Such men end up spending days and nights tirelessly thinking about increasing their intercourse duration.
• Body Figure: Not only are women conscious of their body figures, but men also think about their body structures. Males overthink so much that they develop anxiety about their bodies. They reach a mental state where they are ashamed of getting naked in front of their partners. Such cases are more common in budding romantic relationships.

All these notions give rise to a chain of negative thoughts that continues until the person develops a sense of sexual impairment within himself. As a result, men deprive themselves of sexual pleasures. They consider themselves incapable of making their partners satisfied and analyze themselves even on their partners’ behalf.

What needs to be done if you find yourself suffering from Sexual Anxiety?

Anxiety is the irrational fear that gets rooted in a person's mind and forces them to imagine themselves in a situation that is created only in their mind and holds no value in reality.

To prevent obsessive thoughts from entering your mind, the following measures can be adopted:

• Meditation is the key to avoid anxiety. It helps to keep the mind healthy enough not to think about all those negative attributes of performance anxiety. Hence, one can keep his mind focused and cheerful while making love.
• A healthy and open discussion with your partners related to the anxious thoughts helps a lot. There is no better way to reduce sexual anxiety than talking to someone you love. As that person knows you in and out hence, he/she is the right person to make you realize the truth about your body if you really have an issue or it’s just in your mind.
• If the discussion with your partner doesn’t work, consulting a therapist is the most appropriate option. A therapist is the one who will listen to you and guide you in the most convenient ways (like some therapies or medications) to cope up with it.
• Get some self-grooming classes that teach you to love your body and embrace yourself in the way you are.
• Add some romance in your relationship. Try something playful that you both love to do (other than sexual things).
• If you still face anxiety in bed, then put some music that helps calm you down and bring yourself back to normal.
• Pleasing each other through masturbation is one of the most effective ways to ease pressure build-up because of performance anxiety. Spend more time during foreplay, introduce sex toys to your bedroom action. These all will help.

Final Words

The quality of intercourse and mental health goes hand in hand; one thing cannot be separated from others. Thus, it is evident, people with a healthy mental state has a better sex life. However, a fair share of the male population suffers from psychological issues because they overthink when it comes to perfecting their sexual life. Moreover, when a couple is involved in lovemaking, it experiences a high wave of emotions and is at the peak of everything. These are some precious moments for couples to experience extreme happiness and satisfaction. However, males that overthink their penis sizes and body figures find it difficult to have satisfying intercourse. Whether consciously or unconsciously, they always think about their bodies, penises, and draw themselves into negative thoughts. This habit of exaggerated thinking does more harm than good. Instead of enhancing their intercourse skills, they end up diminishing them.

So don’t use your brain, follow your heart to enjoy your sex life to the fullest.